A Boy Named Dorothy - The Comic Script Breakdown
Dorothy is a wanted man — 'Enemy of the State' — investigating illegal human replication. A dark fantasy seinen manga storyboarded in Mangaplay Studio.
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DOROTHY
The story is exactly what it says: Dorothy is a wanted man ("Enemy of the State") investigating illegal human replication in a dark fantasy seinen world. Dorothy is accompanied by his biomechanical friend Churin, and frantic cousin Delhi.
Together they hunt down demons the world has forgotten whilst being hunted by humans themselves in a world where humans casually live indefinitely and have access to all-powerful machines to remedy their basic needs.
What This Project Showed
I was not always a writer. By trade, I was a mobile software engineer, using Unity happily to make games.
In the summer of 2025, I wrote a 200 page screenplay called "Enemy Of The State" that follows a really bad day for a group of superhumans stuck on an island.
Something came over me and I could not stop writing until these thoughts came out of my mind, it took roughly 3 months. The story was all over the place but I was proud.
I had somehow crafted a world unique unto itself, but I learned the hard way that bringing a 200 page screenplay to life was going to be a nightmare undertaking, especially for a novice like myself at the time. A friend told me that if I truly have the gift then I should be able to repeat it again.
In taking their advice, I decided to move towards creating a comic and manga by turning the screenplay into a comic script — thus was born Mangaplay Studio.
I can write a comic script, manga script, storyboard and screenplay all at once and hand it off to an artist or draw the pages myself.
I thought I had no idea how to make a comic or how to make a manga. But I've read a lot of manga! An unhealthy amount. To the point where I have multiple 100+ Google Slide Documents with One Piece theories since 2017!
Origin - The Comic Script
Having a huge amount of experience making mobile games, advertising is the crux of it all. You can have a well-made product but it's all meaningless if the consumer can't find it.
You also need to get better at your craft. Enemy Of The State is good but it's not great. There is no shortcut to becoming a great storyteller; you just have to put in the hours on your craft.
While re-writing the whole screenplay into the comic script for mangaplay, I thought about the different sub-stories within it and what came to mind was a joke.
A lad, a lady and a llama walk into a bar.
What if that was turned into a shorter story itself in the same world that I have created? Thus was born A BOY NAMED DOROTHY.
# Page 1 EXT. SUNBURY TOWNSHIP - AUTOMATON HIGHWAY - DAY
Panel 1 [BLEED] [L]
It is neither a utopia nor dystopia, only infrastructure. A landscape continuously built for their children before leaving them behind.
Mechanical high rises, endless highways, fields and water supply. The sky is grey, oppressive.
NARRATION
The United Kingdom; 2845 AD; Current Population 112,900.
NARRATION
Somewhere in the Sunbury Township.
NARRATION
The Machine does exactly what it is told.
Panel 2 [BLEED]
A cracked highway stretches into the distance.
Panel 3
In the far background, crab machines build endlessly. No humans visible anywhere.
# PAGE 2 EXT. SUNBURY TOWNSHIP - AUTOMATON HIGHWAY - DAY
Panel 1 [BLEED]
Endless buildings
NARRATION
After 38 years on the run, the man wanted for murder now walks in plain sight.
NARRATION
He will remove twelve gods from this world.
Panel 2 [V] [L]
DOROTHY (44, male, suited, wide hat, steel grey hair falling to his back, eyes hidden, Executive Class) walks down the centre of the highway. A sheathed shortsword hangs at his hip, a single green eye embedded in its hilt.
His expression is unreadable. A four-legged animal of some kind by his side.
Beside him trots the llama CHURIN, IV ALASTAIR (brown, 4ft, alpaca x llama biomechanical), human smile, seemingly intelligent llama.
It has wide, expressive eyes.
TITLE: Executive Class : Enemy Of The State, | DOROTHY | Age 44
TITLE: CHURIN, IV ALASTAIR | ("Commissariat : Model Llama")
Panel 3
In the distance, spider automatons construct a building. They weld, they lift, all unending labour of unending purpose.
# PAGE 3 EXT. SUNBURY TOWNSHIP - AUTOMATON HIGHWAY - DAY
Panel 1
Dorothy glances down at Churin.
DOROTHY
Little lady. Find an enemy then we can rest.
Panel 2
Churin bites at the air itself, child-like, eyes closed.
SFX: CHOMP CHOMP
Panel 3
It shakes its head up, annoyed at the question.
Panel 4
Churin trots in front, strutting ahead down the long highway. Dorothy resumes walking behind. The giant automatons and buildings loom closer.
In the distance, three faint red lines extending from behind the buildings into the sky.
Who is Dorothy?
Whether it's a comic, manga, webtoon or graphic novel, what is clear from being an avid reader is that they live and die by the first 5 pages. If you have not shown me something then consider the reader lost — they will move on to the next manga.
I am not a fan of "hooks" or "opening gambits" to grab a reader through action. They work very effectively but this is not my writing style.
I have instead opted to reveal the important characters as soon as possible, then highlight their interaction. If a yapping llama and a barren city is not enough to make a person continue turning the page, then I accept the loss.
The story I've written goes from 0 to 100 with little hand-holding. Will it work? I do not know, but it feels right.
If I had a mentor or a manga template, this may have been easier.
# PAGE 4 EXT. SUNBURY TOWNSHIP - INDUSTRIAL AREA - DAY
Panel 1 [BLEED]
Rusted shipping containers and collapsed scaffolding; The shadows stretch long.
Panel 2
DELHI (19, female, mint-green-haired, scrawny, terrified). A spider-machine holds her in the air against a container. An ELECTRON PISTOL slips from her holster, falling unnoticed to the ground.
DELHI
I was only passing through to get to the shore. Your house is disgusting!
TITLE: "DELHI" | Age 19
Panel 3
Two men, THE SUNBURY BROTHERS, (thuggish, armed, cruel grins) take turns slamming a bat into the side of the girl. The Senior holds a bat to the girl's head.
SUNBURY SENIOR
Shut it. You have your township, I have mine. I happen to like the colour grey.
Panel 4
Sunbury Junior reaches for a missile launcher not too far. He fiddles with the mechanical settings.
SUNBURY JUNIOR
Besides, you're only protected within your own township. This aint it.
SUNBURY JUNIOR
Nobody comes here without paying the toll.
# PAGE 5
Panel 1
Delhi squirms in agony. Nowhere to run.
DELHI
Please stop! I'm useful, I'll build whatever you want.
Panel 2
Sunbury Senior swings his bat lazily into the container.
SUNBURY SENIOR
Okay. Sign over your township to my brother so he can have one again.
SUNBURY SENIOR
Then we are done.
Panel 3
Delhi is taken aback with surprise at the request.
DELHI
I don't have that kind of authority.
Panel 4 [INSET]
Close-up on Sunbury Junior's face. Terror.
SUNBURY JUNIOR
Brother?!?!
SFX: FWSSH
Panel 5
A shortsword bursts through SUNBURY SENIOR's open mouth from behind. The eye on its hilt stares directly at the reader.
SFX: THUNK
# PAGE 6
Panel 1
Sunbury Junior scrambles, swinging the missile launcher over his shoulder to point at Dorothy.
SUNBURY JUNIOR
You're dead! You're dead!
Panel 2
Churin appears instantaneously next to Sunbury Junior, her neck swung out wide.
SFX: THUD
Panel 3
Churin slams Sunbury Junior a large distance into an empty container, the missile fires wild, streaking into the sky harmlessly.
SFX: FWOOOOSH
Panel 4
Dorothy is already above Sunbury Junior, with an ELECTRONIC BOOK in his hand.
Panel 5
Close-up of Dorothy's hand. He has already pulled the book from the fur of Churin.
# PAGE 7
Panel 1
Dorothy stands over Sunbury Junior. A sample being placed into the book. The brother is unconscious. Churin smiles ear to ear.
Panel 2 [S]
Close-up on the Electronic Book screen. Holographic text appears:
SUNBURY, JON / PIONEER CLASS / AGE 119 / TOWNSHIP: ?????
Panel 3 [S]
Dorothy takes a sample of the dead brother. The screen updates:
SUNBURY, JOHN / PIONEER CLASS / AGE 119
LETHAL RESPONSE REQUESTED
DOROTHY
(thought)
Twins. 119 years old and stuck at Pioneer. Tragic.
Panel 4
Dorothy shoves the Electronic Book into Churin. It sinks perfectly into a machine slot.
Panel 5
Dorothy places his hand on Churin's head. A satellite spins out from its tail.
DOROTHY
Machine. Pioneer Class executed; He killed a kid a few towns over.
# PAGE 8
Panel 1 [BLEED]
Churin stands unphased but her tail wags relentlessly.
THE MACHINE (O.S.)
lethal response acknowledged; human violation;
Panel 2
Delhi stares, mouth open.
DELHI
Are men outside deranged apes?
Panel 3
Churin's behind is a full-blown satellite. It appears as if Dorothy is speaking into her butthole. Churin's head reaches around beside Dorothy's.
Panel 4
Dorothy & Churin turn to face her. Dorothy is calm, Churin is confused.
Panel 5
Dorothy approaches Delhi, his arms resting against the hilt of his sword. Delhi shuts her eyes and panics.
DELHI
I was supposed to see a real ocean!
# PAGE 9
Panel 1
Delhi does not stop talking. Dorothy cuts her down, puts her onto the back of Churin. He slides the electron pistol back into her holster.
DELHI
It's too soon to die!
SFX: CLICK CLICK
Panel 2
Delhi opens one eye cautiously, then both. She sees Dorothy walking away.
DOROTHY
I'm not going to kill you. I have business at your township.
DOROTHY
But, can you do me a favour?
DELHI
(hesitant)
Continue...
DOROTHY
Noisy women are my enemy.
Panel 3
Dorothy begins walking. Delhi watches from Churin's back.
Panel 4 [BLEED]
Wide shot. Dorothy walks, Delhi riding Churin toward the distant city. The highway stretches endlessly ahead.
DELHI
(loud)
Excuse you, I'm not noisy! I was doing perfectly fine until those gorillas showed up.
CHURIN
ORGLE ORGLE
DOROTHY
(looking down at Churin)
That includes you.
Closing thoughts on making a comic
The artist Degeside was a blessing in disguise, able to follow the comic script + storyboard + horrible art to produce clear panels that go from page to page.
Maybe in the future I will share my MSPaint.exe art?
At present, I would rate these pages at about a 7/10. The world is there, the characters are there and they all connect together. The missing piece is the "plot", which is at present a consistent issue I have trouble with.
Not writing a plot but telling the story in a traditional manner, new readers can feel like the story is disjointed and they are being dragged forward to nowhere. This is not the case but it can feel like that.
Giving a clear throughline is an area I am slamming my head against, ideas are not in short supply in my mind.
